struggling

man, the last few days have been really, really difficult. My old eating patterns are coming back along with my thought patterns and guilt. i have been food obsessed and feeling uncomfortable. it really sucks.

today:

breakfast- some of my protein drink- 150 and unplanned part of a cinnamon biscuit- 100- 250

then for lunch i didnt even drink my protein drink as i started picking at some chicken and rice and ended up eating the whole thing along with some cucumbers- 260

snack- orange 60 and goldfish crackers- 100 then a small apple 50= 210

when i came home i guess i was feeling discouraged as i didnt stick to my meal plan during the day and i had first 2 1/2 fish sticks 190 then i had 1 1/2 cookies- 120 then i had pretzels 130 =440

for dinner i had about 1/8 cup mashed potatoes 100 and a piece of meatloaf (<1/2 the size of last night) 175 and a half piece of bread- 40=315

also coffee with 3 tsp cream powder- 40

total so far- 1515

Calories could certainly be worse, but it’s not really that (although I did want to stay closer to 1200), it is more just that I am losing control, snacking too much, and just don’t feel good. I’m wondering if I should stop with the protein drinks and start doing a low carb plan as that has worked for me in the past. I just feel like I am always skipping around with diets. Maybe thats the problem is that this IS still a diet. I don’t really want to drink protein drinks forever I just don’t trust myself with food. I also don’t want to eat low carb forever, but again just don’t trust myself with food. It is so hard to start eating and then STOP. Its like a little taste of something and i just want MORE.

I’m thinking maybe since I have been successful with the slimfast (mostly) for a few weeks now that I could try a PLANNED healthy breakfast and lunch for two days and see if I can handle it. I will certainly have to pre-pack my portions and calculate the calories and what not. I need to do something that is more easily sustainable for the long term and stop looking at my life like a big diet. The thing is I feel like my body doesn’t handle carbs well. I always feel great on a low carb diet but mentally it is so hard for me. Maybe a moderately low carb meal plan? I especially hate low carbing with no fruit. Any suggestions greatly appreciated.

I’m going to do some googling now…