advice needed about 3 year old

feel really bad today for my son. i have twin boys and one is in a great preschool class and the other not so much. there are a lot of behavior problems in his class and a teacher that isn’t nearly as excited about teaching and kids as you dream for your child (rarely participates with parties/snack time/field trips and has sub-par observation scores). maybe its also hard for me because i AM a very excited teacher and love teaching and kids and want my students to get every opportunity, so its hard for me to understand a teacher that wont go on a field trip to a play we got free tickets to or wont participate in egg hunt or a valentines dance or a winter showcase. i originally upon enrolling them tried to get them in the same class with the great teacher but was told absolutely not, that twins should be separated. i work there as well as a teacher so it makes it a bit more difficult to address issues. i dont necessarily agree or disagree with twins being separated- i just wanted them both with the great teacher.. anyhow, my son in the not so great class is starting to have so many behavior issues. he is using bad words and pushing and hitting and mean body language towards his brother and his dad and me. its been getting worse and worse over the past week or so. today he was so out of control with his attitude that he didnt, for the first time ever, get to stay up after bath time and play and get a snack. he also went to time out several times. i read him a story and we talked and hugged and kissed but he is really challenging and i feel so badly to keep reprimanding him when i know he is copying what he sees. his teacher mentioned today that she is proud of him as he is standing up for himself more in his classroom. i dont really know if its good or bad news. i guess it depends how he is asserting himself, but im assuming not very nicely, although he probably cant do it nicely with all the behavior issues in there.

the principal also commented today that my son is not listening. she said she asked him to come here and he shook his head no. she asked him to pick something up and he shook his head no. again, after school she told me about his behavior and i was really surprised, saying i thought my son was a good listener, she showed me– she called him and said to come here and he smiled and ran the other way. now, some of this is that we have never forced our boys to go to people that they dont know (in all fairness he has probably only seen her 4 times) and we have never made them give people hugs. we figured if people wanted our boys to hug them they would have to be consistent enough in their lives that our boys would want to do so. there are many people that they do go to and hug but definitely not new people. however, just not listening is a different story. my son does listen at home, quite well, and i rarely have to ask him again to do something. i just dont know how to deal with how different he is at school and how he is now bringing all these new behaviors home. i dont know how to help him. he will be in the same class again next school year. i considered trying to find him a new school but i’ve already missed the lottery for next school year. we live in a city where public preschool is offered but slots are given out through a lottery system. it was really hard to get them both into the school i work at, i am invested there, love my job, and love the convenience and support that i can give to my children by them attending the same school i work at. i dont love seeing them get two different educations.

to add– my son started off the school year asking every morning to go to his brothers class and did not want to go to his classroom (maybe because he knows his brother gets parties/field trips/special events). the teacher was out due to a family emergency for 2 months and has just returned a few weeks ago. my son is now asking again almost every day to go to his brothers class room. but he also sees his own teacher now and will call her and say he wants to give her a hug.

anyway, thats the story, its eating up my brain, and any suggestions/feedback are greatly appreciated… what do i do/how do i handle it/what about another school year?

…hate feeling like a helicopter mom… do you think im just doing too much?!?!?!