whirlwind of failure

The last week has been one failure after another. It started with one cupcake last Friday and I haven’t been able to get back on track since. I went from 205 to 207. In one week.

My low carb diet/lifestyle was moving so slowly that I got frustrated and took it out with food. If I had kept going maybe I would be at 203 now instead of 207. I want to break 200 so badly, yet I keep making the wrong choices.

Of course now I am re-evaluating the best course of action; choices:

Low Carb- The most I have ever stuck to this is one month and lost 20 pounds, years ago. I just stuck to it for 2 weeks and lost 5 pounds, def not the weight loss I previously experienced in life, but weight loss none the less…. What I hate about low carb- salad veggies– I’m just about disgusted with eating a salad; also no fruit– totally sucks; also sick of eggs. What I Like about it- I am not hungry and can eat. Maybe I should do the second phase OWL so I can add fruit?

Low Calorie- Only in periods of life where I was overly restricting could I stick to this… What I hate about low calorie- it’s not restricting enough for me and one can turn into 100 too easily unless I basically just starve myself. Let’s say I plan a day: Breakfast- Greek Yogurt, strawberries, sprinkle of oatmeal- 300

Lunch- Turkey sandwich on multigrain flat bread with mustard and carrot sticks and a fruit- 300

Snack- one serving cheese its or a cheese stick- 100

Dinner- 500 calories

Snack- grapes and popcorn 150

Total: 1350

It would be so awesome if I was “normal” and could eat like this. Maybe if I plan my food specifically and stick to JUST that…?

Slim-fast- Has worked for me in the past for about 5 months to lose 60 pounds. What I hate about slim-fast drinks- you get sick of the taste. You can’t eat for two meals. What I love about slimfast- I can still enjoy one meal of my favorite foods in moderation. My hunger subsides when I get used to it. It is sweet and I can blend it with yummy things such as a bit of peanut butter or strawberries. I can eat popcorn.

Okay, so tomorrow, I will try ONE MORE TIME in my life to eat healthy, planned meals. I will try one more time, one more day, to eat what I plan. If it doesn’t work then Saturday I’m back on Slim-fast or Low Carb. I’m so sick of the diet cycle. What the heck is wrong with me. Everytime that I have tried to lose weight in the past 3 or 4 years I get to the same point– a couple pounds above 200 and I fail. I’m 19 pounds down and ready to give up. Ugh. I dont want to give up. I want to succeed. But I dont know how. Ugh.

I’m going to try— breakfast- about 300 calories, lunch- about 300 calories, dinner- 500 calories or less, dessert 100 calories=1200 calories

Okay, so, for tomorrow:

Breakfast: Shredded wheat- 1 cup, skim milk 1 cup, banana – 300

Lunch- Turkey sandwich (whole grain flat bread) with 1 slice provolone cheese mustard and tomato, carrot sticks, strawberries- 300

Dinner- Shrimp fried rice – 1 cup measured with drip of hot oil and 1 cup steamed broccoli 400 calories

Dessert- Popcorn 100

1060

I think snacks get me off track so a goal is to cut out the snacks unless it is a fruit (in moderation) or a veggie. I do okay with popcorn after dinner- the single serving bags. 3 meals and a dessert. That’s the plan.

Wouldn’t it be awesome if I post tomorrow and I was able to stick to my meal plan. Just packed my lunch. I’m ready.

No more failure.

One day at a time I can do this. I know I can.

Also- start walking!!!! The weather is getting nice, no more excuses. I will pull my kids in the wagon or push them in the stroller and walk for 30 minutes (starting goal). Man, I dread this. So boring, feels like such a waste of time. I’d rather go to the gym (they have child care) but the traffic there, then the parking, then the haul to walk from the parking spot finally found to the gym with the kids, then to still work out for like an hour, thats like 2 hours by the time its all said and done from home to gym to back home. I’d be home by 6 best scenario and then still have to make dinner, do homework, get baths and get kids to bed by 8:30. Ugh. Or buy the elliptical. Maybe I would use it? I’ve had one before and never made good use of it. I’ve also never made good use of a gym membership. If I can make walking a habit for 2 weeks then I will consider buying the elliptical. 2 week walk challenge is on!!!! Wish me luck!

Hope you are finding more strength, passion, will power, and dedication towards yourself than I have been.

Good night.

Tomorrow is a new day.