whirlwind of failure

The last week has been one failure after another. It started with one cupcake last Friday and I haven’t been able to get back on track since. I went from 205 to 207. In one week.

My low carb diet/lifestyle was moving so slowly that I got frustrated and took it out with food. If I had kept going maybe I would be at 203 now instead of 207. I want to break 200 so badly, yet I keep making the wrong choices.

Of course now I am re-evaluating the best course of action; choices:

Low Carb- The most I have ever stuck to this is one month and lost 20 pounds, years ago. I just stuck to it for 2 weeks and lost 5 pounds, def not the weight loss I previously experienced in life, but weight loss none the less…. What I hate about low carb- salad veggies– I’m just about disgusted with eating a salad; also no fruit– totally sucks; also sick of eggs. What I Like about it- I am not hungry and can eat. Maybe I should do the second phase OWL so I can add fruit?

Low Calorie- Only in periods of life where I was overly restricting could I stick to this… What I hate about low calorie- it’s not restricting enough for me and one can turn into 100 too easily unless I basically just starve myself. Let’s say I plan a day: Breakfast- Greek Yogurt, strawberries, sprinkle of oatmeal- 300

Lunch- Turkey sandwich on multigrain flat bread with mustard and carrot sticks and a fruit- 300

Snack- one serving cheese its or a cheese stick- 100

Dinner- 500 calories

Snack- grapes and popcorn 150

Total: 1350

It would be so awesome if I was “normal” and could eat like this. Maybe if I plan my food specifically and stick to JUST that…?

Slim-fast- Has worked for me in the past for about 5 months to lose 60 pounds. What I hate about slim-fast drinks- you get sick of the taste. You can’t eat for two meals. What I love about slimfast- I can still enjoy one meal of my favorite foods in moderation. My hunger subsides when I get used to it. It is sweet and I can blend it with yummy things such as a bit of peanut butter or strawberries. I can eat popcorn.

Okay, so tomorrow, I will try ONE MORE TIME in my life to eat healthy, planned meals. I will try one more time, one more day, to eat what I plan. If it doesn’t work then Saturday I’m back on Slim-fast or Low Carb. I’m so sick of the diet cycle. What the heck is wrong with me. Everytime that I have tried to lose weight in the past 3 or 4 years I get to the same point– a couple pounds above 200 and I fail. I’m 19 pounds down and ready to give up. Ugh. I dont want to give up. I want to succeed. But I dont know how. Ugh.

I’m going to try— breakfast- about 300 calories, lunch- about 300 calories, dinner- 500 calories or less, dessert 100 calories=1200 calories

Okay, so, for tomorrow:

Breakfast: Shredded wheat- 1 cup, skim milk 1 cup, banana – 300

Lunch- Turkey sandwich (whole grain flat bread) with 1 slice provolone cheese mustard and tomato, carrot sticks, strawberries- 300

Dinner- Shrimp fried rice – 1 cup measured with drip of hot oil and 1 cup steamed broccoli 400 calories

Dessert- Popcorn 100

1060

I think snacks get me off track so a goal is to cut out the snacks unless it is a fruit (in moderation) or a veggie. I do okay with popcorn after dinner- the single serving bags. 3 meals and a dessert. That’s the plan.

Wouldn’t it be awesome if I post tomorrow and I was able to stick to my meal plan. Just packed my lunch. I’m ready.

No more failure.

One day at a time I can do this. I know I can.

Also- start walking!!!! The weather is getting nice, no more excuses. I will pull my kids in the wagon or push them in the stroller and walk for 30 minutes (starting goal). Man, I dread this. So boring, feels like such a waste of time. I’d rather go to the gym (they have child care) but the traffic there, then the parking, then the haul to walk from the parking spot finally found to the gym with the kids, then to still work out for like an hour, thats like 2 hours by the time its all said and done from home to gym to back home. I’d be home by 6 best scenario and then still have to make dinner, do homework, get baths and get kids to bed by 8:30. Ugh. Or buy the elliptical. Maybe I would use it? I’ve had one before and never made good use of it. I’ve also never made good use of a gym membership. If I can make walking a habit for 2 weeks then I will consider buying the elliptical. 2 week walk challenge is on!!!! Wish me luck!

Hope you are finding more strength, passion, will power, and dedication towards yourself than I have been.

Good night.

Tomorrow is a new day.

The under 200 struggle continues…

Well, in the past two weeks my weight just keeps hovering around 205– 205.8,201.8, 205.8, 205.6, 205.4, 205.2, 205, 205.2, 206, and now this morning 207. Ugh. In all fairness I did visit family for the Easter Holiday and ate low carb and light throughout the day but then ate a regular dinner- def not low carb and I had a moderate dessert plus some chips later. I was at 206 the following morning and then after eating well all day yesterday I still went up another pound to 207 this morning. I didn’t eat enough to gain weight so I know if I just keep at it, EVENTUALLY my body will cooperate and I will break 200. 12 out of the last 14 days I stayed under 1200 calories (the other two days I ended up at 2,000-not a world shattering failure) and kept my carbs under 20. I’m not sure why my weight loss has stalled so much after a couple months of steady loss.

On today’s menu:

Breakfast- 2 eggs with 2/3 cup chopped spinach and a sprinkle of parmesan cheese

Lunch- Chicken salad dipped with pork rinds and celery sticks

Dinner- Shrimp and salad with italian

Dessert- hot tea

Praying I can stay motivated, on track, and happy with me as I go through this challenge.

one is too many and a thousand is never enough…

Weight still didn’t move this morning after finishing yesterday with 900 calories and 17 carbs. That was a whole week of no weight loss at all.

So, I let go today. It started with a lick of icing and ended with me consuming 222 carbs and 2060 calories. When I started it was like well since I started I might as well eat everything I wanted the past week BC I won’t have another chance if I get back on the low carb tomorrow. It was hard to stop myself but easier than in the past. Hopefully tomorrow I can stay motivated and get back on track and stop beating myself up. Ugh. Feeling guilty and bloated us the worst part. I haven’t felt like this in weeks now and I don’t like it ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

I know the scale certainly won’t go down tomorrow but man I hope it doesn’t go back up. I pray tomorrow can be a positive and healthy beautiful day… The rest of tonight as well…. Man this getting under 200 pounds is no joke!!!!!!

NO weight loss this week

Well, its been a week since I hit 205 and I’m still at 205. I’ve been eating well, tracking everything, calories 1300 or under, carbs 20 or under. Only eating real food. I’m sticking to the 65% fat, 30% protein, 5% carbs ratio and measuring fairly well to be accurate.

It’s like my body just does not want to be under 200 and refuses to let go. There was one day where I went down to 201.8 and the next day and ever since it jumped back to 205.

I’ve upped my water and even tried upping my calories yesterday to almost 1400 (they had been closer to 1000) and it still didnt make a dent. Maybe to lose weight at a decent pace (2 pounds a week) I need to cut my calories to closer to 800. I’m quite frustrated.

After a 21 pound loss now I’m just stuck. I’m not going to give up, I just need to figure out what is wrong. I was losing weight more consistently with a low calorie/low fat diet… and getting to eat fruit! I’m going to stick with this for a couple more weeks and see how it goes.

Any suggestions appreciated.

advice needed about 3 year old

feel really bad today for my son. i have twin boys and one is in a great preschool class and the other not so much. there are a lot of behavior problems in his class and a teacher that isn’t nearly as excited about teaching and kids as you dream for your child (rarely participates with parties/snack time/field trips and has sub-par observation scores). maybe its also hard for me because i AM a very excited teacher and love teaching and kids and want my students to get every opportunity, so its hard for me to understand a teacher that wont go on a field trip to a play we got free tickets to or wont participate in egg hunt or a valentines dance or a winter showcase. i originally upon enrolling them tried to get them in the same class with the great teacher but was told absolutely not, that twins should be separated. i work there as well as a teacher so it makes it a bit more difficult to address issues. i dont necessarily agree or disagree with twins being separated- i just wanted them both with the great teacher.. anyhow, my son in the not so great class is starting to have so many behavior issues. he is using bad words and pushing and hitting and mean body language towards his brother and his dad and me. its been getting worse and worse over the past week or so. today he was so out of control with his attitude that he didnt, for the first time ever, get to stay up after bath time and play and get a snack. he also went to time out several times. i read him a story and we talked and hugged and kissed but he is really challenging and i feel so badly to keep reprimanding him when i know he is copying what he sees. his teacher mentioned today that she is proud of him as he is standing up for himself more in his classroom. i dont really know if its good or bad news. i guess it depends how he is asserting himself, but im assuming not very nicely, although he probably cant do it nicely with all the behavior issues in there.

the principal also commented today that my son is not listening. she said she asked him to come here and he shook his head no. she asked him to pick something up and he shook his head no. again, after school she told me about his behavior and i was really surprised, saying i thought my son was a good listener, she showed me– she called him and said to come here and he smiled and ran the other way. now, some of this is that we have never forced our boys to go to people that they dont know (in all fairness he has probably only seen her 4 times) and we have never made them give people hugs. we figured if people wanted our boys to hug them they would have to be consistent enough in their lives that our boys would want to do so. there are many people that they do go to and hug but definitely not new people. however, just not listening is a different story. my son does listen at home, quite well, and i rarely have to ask him again to do something. i just dont know how to deal with how different he is at school and how he is now bringing all these new behaviors home. i dont know how to help him. he will be in the same class again next school year. i considered trying to find him a new school but i’ve already missed the lottery for next school year. we live in a city where public preschool is offered but slots are given out through a lottery system. it was really hard to get them both into the school i work at, i am invested there, love my job, and love the convenience and support that i can give to my children by them attending the same school i work at. i dont love seeing them get two different educations.

to add– my son started off the school year asking every morning to go to his brothers class and did not want to go to his classroom (maybe because he knows his brother gets parties/field trips/special events). the teacher was out due to a family emergency for 2 months and has just returned a few weeks ago. my son is now asking again almost every day to go to his brothers class room. but he also sees his own teacher now and will call her and say he wants to give her a hug.

anyway, thats the story, its eating up my brain, and any suggestions/feedback are greatly appreciated… what do i do/how do i handle it/what about another school year?

…hate feeling like a helicopter mom… do you think im just doing too much?!?!?!

eating more to lose…

well, because the scale has been stuck for days and days i thought maybe its because i wasn’t eating enough. my calories were coming out below 1000 or right at that for the past few days/week and thats when the scale seemed to stop moving. my carbs were also coming in around 10. SO, today I made it a point to eat the full 20 carbs and accidentally went over by 3, so at 23… didn’t realize the carb content of a roma tomato and it was so yummy i ate the whole thing instead of half… and my calories are 1383. I ate the full amount of salad veggies recommended and the cooked veggies as well. I ate plenty of protein, got in some fat as well. drank lots of water. we will see if the up in calories/carbs helps. its wierd to me that you could stop losing by not eating enough but i figure its just a day and ill see if eating a bit more helps. if not I’m not going to force myself to eat as much when I’m just not hungry. im going to buy some ketone strips tomorrow too, just to see. i can’t imagine im not in ketosis but ill check it just to make sure.

i have to say im getting frustrated and see myself eating some things i shouldnt if this persists for another couple days. im getting too frustrated. maybe im too obsessed with the scale. i definitely am. its pissing me off. one of my goals was only to weigh myself once a week when i started this because obsession with the scale is almost as bad as obsession with food. ugh. except you feel better physically i guess. it still takes up too much of my mental energy.

maybe the scale is stuck

I’m thinking there is something mechanically wrong with my scale… lol.. hopeful thoughts. The darn thing just wont move. Past few days: 205.8; 201.8; 205.6; then this morning 205.4… lol, really. It’s like that 201.8 was just a big tease!!! I tried to drink extra water yesterday thinking maybe I was bloated or constipated or something, but still, no real movement, ugh. I want that under 200 so badly. My calories have been around 1,000 for the majority of the past few days so I’m thinking maybe I’m just not eating enough calories?!?! So this morning I cooked my eggs in a little more butter than usual. I really don’t know. I am eating all throughout the day and I’m not hungry. My carbs are always under 20, with the net carbs usually being between 8 and 15. I don’t know, perseverance will prevail!

perseverance

Day 9 of low carb! Two days ago scale said 205.8, yesterday 201.8, and today 205.4. Quite annoying but I know I’m losing and I’m staying on track so it will come soon– I WILL get under 200 soon!!

Yesterday calories were 1,008 and carbs were 12. I’m just not that hungry anymore and feel full after my meals. I worry that my calories under 1200 some days will stall my weight loss but seriously for once in my life I am actually not hungry. I’m eating good food, lots of veggies, and enjoying my meals. I rarely snack and I am content. I am getting used to a healthier way of life. My craving for carbs and sugar are minimal. I think I can really stick to this lifestyle!

So far today I had 2 oz Korean chicken for breakfast with some steamed broccoli and for lunch roasted marinated pork loin with leftover buttery decadant mashed cauliflower.

Here’s to another healthy day that is free from food obsession!

25 pounds down! :)

201.8— good lord, thats a 4 pound loss overnight– wth!!– yesterday I was 205.8– a week ago I was 210!!! In February I started at 226!! ย Loving atkins lifestyle today!!! So, thats only 1.9 pounds until I am under 200 pounds!!!! Oh man I just cannot wait, I am so friggin excited! Hopefully the scale cooperates and I can be there in a few days! Yay!

Still doing the atkins induction- day 6. Yesterday was 1200 calories and 4 net carbs (15 total carbs-11 grams fiber). I am starting to crave fruit and sweets less and am more content with my meals. I am also definitely less hungry. I have to work on my veggie intake as some days it ends up a bit low.

I am really, really looking forward to my old clothes fitting (I’ve held onto them for years now) but most of them wont fit until I get to around 185. That’s alot closer than it used to be at least! My current clothes are certainly fitting a bit looser. Nothing spectacular yet, but it’s getting there ๐Ÿ™‚ ! Almost look forward to having to buy new clothes ๐Ÿ™‚

Wow, a whole 25 pounds…. ๐Ÿ™‚

Last night I made chicken nuggets breaded with milled flax seeds. It was AWESOME! I dipped them in hot sauce and ranch. OMG, so good!!! going to pick another recipe to try out one day this week so I don’t get bored with the same salad with meat meal every day… dont think I could eat grilled chicken salad for another week!! i think the pork rind breaded nuggets look like a yummy idea too, can’t wait to try it. If you have any favorite low carb recipes please share!!!

Have a beautiful day!

wow, im full!!

Think my tummy has shrank! I ate well today and I’m full! Way less food than I used to eat… Well maybe the same meals minus the carbs and snacks…

Calories today- 1230

Carbs 14

Maybe my body has adjusted a bit. I’m wondering if Powerade zero will mess with my body and stall my weight loss– anyone have any experience with this?

The fruity flavor really helps me to not miss fruit…

Yay for another successful day! Hopefully the scale will recognize my efforts tomorrow!