whirlwind of failure

The last week has been one failure after another. It started with one cupcake last Friday and I haven’t been able to get back on track since. I went from 205 to 207. In one week.

My low carb diet/lifestyle was moving so slowly that I got frustrated and took it out with food. If I had kept going maybe I would be at 203 now instead of 207. I want to break 200 so badly, yet I keep making the wrong choices.

Of course now I am re-evaluating the best course of action; choices:

Low Carb- The most I have ever stuck to this is one month and lost 20 pounds, years ago. I just stuck to it for 2 weeks and lost 5 pounds, def not the weight loss I previously experienced in life, but weight loss none the less…. What I hate about low carb- salad veggies– I’m just about disgusted with eating a salad; also no fruit– totally sucks; also sick of eggs. What I Like about it- I am not hungry and can eat. Maybe I should do the second phase OWL so I can add fruit?

Low Calorie- Only in periods of life where I was overly restricting could I stick to this… What I hate about low calorie- it’s not restricting enough for me and one can turn into 100 too easily unless I basically just starve myself. Let’s say I plan a day: Breakfast- Greek Yogurt, strawberries, sprinkle of oatmeal- 300

Lunch- Turkey sandwich on multigrain flat bread with mustard and carrot sticks and a fruit- 300

Snack- one serving cheese its or a cheese stick- 100

Dinner- 500 calories

Snack- grapes and popcorn 150

Total: 1350

It would be so awesome if I was “normal” and could eat like this. Maybe if I plan my food specifically and stick to JUST that…?

Slim-fast- Has worked for me in the past for about 5 months to lose 60 pounds. What I hate about slim-fast drinks- you get sick of the taste. You can’t eat for two meals. What I love about slimfast- I can still enjoy one meal of my favorite foods in moderation. My hunger subsides when I get used to it. It is sweet and I can blend it with yummy things such as a bit of peanut butter or strawberries. I can eat popcorn.

Okay, so tomorrow, I will try ONE MORE TIME in my life to eat healthy, planned meals. I will try one more time, one more day, to eat what I plan. If it doesn’t work then Saturday I’m back on Slim-fast or Low Carb. I’m so sick of the diet cycle. What the heck is wrong with me. Everytime that I have tried to lose weight in the past 3 or 4 years I get to the same point– a couple pounds above 200 and I fail. I’m 19 pounds down and ready to give up. Ugh. I dont want to give up. I want to succeed. But I dont know how. Ugh.

I’m going to try— breakfast- about 300 calories, lunch- about 300 calories, dinner- 500 calories or less, dessert 100 calories=1200 calories

Okay, so, for tomorrow:

Breakfast: Shredded wheat- 1 cup, skim milk 1 cup, banana – 300

Lunch- Turkey sandwich (whole grain flat bread) with 1 slice provolone cheese mustard and tomato, carrot sticks, strawberries- 300

Dinner- Shrimp fried rice – 1 cup measured with drip of hot oil and 1 cup steamed broccoli 400 calories

Dessert- Popcorn 100

1060

I think snacks get me off track so a goal is to cut out the snacks unless it is a fruit (in moderation) or a veggie. I do okay with popcorn after dinner- the single serving bags. 3 meals and a dessert. That’s the plan.

Wouldn’t it be awesome if I post tomorrow and I was able to stick to my meal plan. Just packed my lunch. I’m ready.

No more failure.

One day at a time I can do this. I know I can.

Also- start walking!!!! The weather is getting nice, no more excuses. I will pull my kids in the wagon or push them in the stroller and walk for 30 minutes (starting goal). Man, I dread this. So boring, feels like such a waste of time. I’d rather go to the gym (they have child care) but the traffic there, then the parking, then the haul to walk from the parking spot finally found to the gym with the kids, then to still work out for like an hour, thats like 2 hours by the time its all said and done from home to gym to back home. I’d be home by 6 best scenario and then still have to make dinner, do homework, get baths and get kids to bed by 8:30. Ugh. Or buy the elliptical. Maybe I would use it? I’ve had one before and never made good use of it. I’ve also never made good use of a gym membership. If I can make walking a habit for 2 weeks then I will consider buying the elliptical. 2 week walk challenge is on!!!! Wish me luck!

Hope you are finding more strength, passion, will power, and dedication towards yourself than I have been.

Good night.

Tomorrow is a new day.

advice needed about 3 year old

feel really bad today for my son. i have twin boys and one is in a great preschool class and the other not so much. there are a lot of behavior problems in his class and a teacher that isn’t nearly as excited about teaching and kids as you dream for your child (rarely participates with parties/snack time/field trips and has sub-par observation scores). maybe its also hard for me because i AM a very excited teacher and love teaching and kids and want my students to get every opportunity, so its hard for me to understand a teacher that wont go on a field trip to a play we got free tickets to or wont participate in egg hunt or a valentines dance or a winter showcase. i originally upon enrolling them tried to get them in the same class with the great teacher but was told absolutely not, that twins should be separated. i work there as well as a teacher so it makes it a bit more difficult to address issues. i dont necessarily agree or disagree with twins being separated- i just wanted them both with the great teacher.. anyhow, my son in the not so great class is starting to have so many behavior issues. he is using bad words and pushing and hitting and mean body language towards his brother and his dad and me. its been getting worse and worse over the past week or so. today he was so out of control with his attitude that he didnt, for the first time ever, get to stay up after bath time and play and get a snack. he also went to time out several times. i read him a story and we talked and hugged and kissed but he is really challenging and i feel so badly to keep reprimanding him when i know he is copying what he sees. his teacher mentioned today that she is proud of him as he is standing up for himself more in his classroom. i dont really know if its good or bad news. i guess it depends how he is asserting himself, but im assuming not very nicely, although he probably cant do it nicely with all the behavior issues in there.

the principal also commented today that my son is not listening. she said she asked him to come here and he shook his head no. she asked him to pick something up and he shook his head no. again, after school she told me about his behavior and i was really surprised, saying i thought my son was a good listener, she showed me– she called him and said to come here and he smiled and ran the other way. now, some of this is that we have never forced our boys to go to people that they dont know (in all fairness he has probably only seen her 4 times) and we have never made them give people hugs. we figured if people wanted our boys to hug them they would have to be consistent enough in their lives that our boys would want to do so. there are many people that they do go to and hug but definitely not new people. however, just not listening is a different story. my son does listen at home, quite well, and i rarely have to ask him again to do something. i just dont know how to deal with how different he is at school and how he is now bringing all these new behaviors home. i dont know how to help him. he will be in the same class again next school year. i considered trying to find him a new school but i’ve already missed the lottery for next school year. we live in a city where public preschool is offered but slots are given out through a lottery system. it was really hard to get them both into the school i work at, i am invested there, love my job, and love the convenience and support that i can give to my children by them attending the same school i work at. i dont love seeing them get two different educations.

to add– my son started off the school year asking every morning to go to his brothers class and did not want to go to his classroom (maybe because he knows his brother gets parties/field trips/special events). the teacher was out due to a family emergency for 2 months and has just returned a few weeks ago. my son is now asking again almost every day to go to his brothers class room. but he also sees his own teacher now and will call her and say he wants to give her a hug.

anyway, thats the story, its eating up my brain, and any suggestions/feedback are greatly appreciated… what do i do/how do i handle it/what about another school year?

…hate feeling like a helicopter mom… do you think im just doing too much?!?!?!