88 days smoke free!!!

Its been quite the while since I posted. It’s been a life changing few months!

Best news of all is that I finally quit smoking– 88 days now!! 🙂

Also, became single (found out fiance was cheating) ! this is a GOOD thing because I found out before we got married (and spent thousands on a wedding)! Luckily, I’m the bigger person and allowing him to rent the basement for some time so that the kids (we have 3 year old twins) can adjust to the changes and we can both save up money. I actually feel really good about being single, after 8 years of trying to make it work with this man I know I tried everything possible. It is not me. I accept that, … Finally.

And the final good news— I have started Medifast!!! Actually the Take Shape For Life program but I’m actually not sure if the whole coach thing is really all that great as I am on day 2 and haven’t heard a peep from the coach. I’m not really the reach out to strangers type so the whole coach thing might be pointless. But the coach is also my dietician and I’m meeting with her every other week SO I do like the accountability and support with that.

I do not plan to get on the scale until my next appointment– on the 24th. I do not do well with the normal scale fluctuations that occur and think i should just stay away!!

I really actually like the foods so far. I was really worried after reading reviews but, to me, it tastes fine. So far I’ve had the peanut butter chocolate chip chewy bar, honey mustard pretzels, fruit and nut bar, and the blueberry muffin. All are yummy!

I am pretty excited about all the changes that are taking place and the positive direction my life is headed! 🙂

Ugh, I suck.

I smoked a cigarette this morning. I suck. It’s SO hard when they are RIGHT THERE in my face 😦 … but if my boys daddy is going to keep smoking I really HAVE to quit. They need a freaking parent to be healthy and alive. I’m going to have to really block his damn cigarettes out. It is really causing a rif between us at the moment. I’ve quit before for a couple years while he still smoked so I know I can do it again!!!

This morning the scale said 216.2, yay!  A downward trend is still on 🙂 (and TMI but I hadn’t even used the bathroom yet, I almost wanted to take my clothes off and weigh again after the deed but didn’t have the time, lol)

So, on the menu for today:

Breakfast- pumpkin pie smoothie- 220

Snack- apple-60

Lunch- chocolate slimfast-180

Snack- cutie orange- 40

Dinner- ham, baked potato, carrots (still have to look up the calories) estimate 500

dessert- popcorn 100

total- 1100 (leaves me 100 or so extra to work with)

Here’s to another try at a smoke free day and a healthy happy filling of my tummy 🙂


I have to say my clothes are fitting a tiny bit better and I feel like I can already see it very slightly in my face. I’m excited to see myself one month from now… six months from now!… eight months from now!! I’m IN THIS for the long haul!

It has gotten SO much easier. In the evenings I really don’t even think about snacks anymore. I don’t even has as much of an appetite. My stomach has definitely shrunk a bit, when I first started I was hungry and dizzy, stomach growling and very uncomfortable for alot of the afternoon. Now, I’m absolutely fine until dinner with just a little fruit or something to hold me over. Now that is definitely an accomplishment! I am also much more easily turning down offered food. I have to say it sticks with me for the day and I still feel a bit of a loss not partaking with others but I know that I let myself eat pretty much whatever I want at dinner so it leaves me not really feeling deprived. It’s surprising how you can adapt all your favorite foods to fit into a nice 500 or so calorie meal that will still allow me to lose weight!

Hope we have a beautiful day with lots of good health! 🙂 One day at a time!

Oh good God!

I am so unbelievable pissy, angry at the world, about to burst into tears or tear off someones head. It’s ridiculous. My fiance was the one that suggested quitting smoking, great suggestion, with NO follow through, I come home from work today (after struggling my way through, knowing we are doing this together) and he has cigarettes on the counter. Okay, so I resisted and resisted. Then he was going out and he left three on the counter for me. What part of QUITTING dont you understand?!?!?!? I ended up smoking a half of a cigarette and then broke them and threw them out. It is so ridiculous. My mother and father both died from smoking complications. I HAVE to quit.

Quitting on top of newly healthy eating is no easy task. So I will say again that I am unbelievable pissy, nasty, and no fun to be around currently.

Still, I’m about to total my day as I haven’t been dead on with my meal plan, and am crossing my fingers…

breakfast- pbj smoothie with too much peanut butter- 370

snack- 1 1/2 oranges and yogurt- 190

lunch- slimfast 180

snack- 1 cup grapes 60

dinner- tuna sub, pretzels, a few hot fries– 510

total so far: 1310

I don’t really know if I will eat anything else. Maybe a bag of popcorn (100 cal) but I’m so pissy I really just want to get the kids bathed and in bed and go to bed myself. SO pissy. What the hell do they put in cigarettes!!

I really  need a damn treadmill or elliptical. I think some hardcore cardio exercise would help me work off some pissiness. fiance wanted to take a walk after work today with the kids, nice and supportive of him, but I was so pissy ABOUT EVERYTHING, that I just took like an hour nap. I never freaking nap. It’s a beautiful day. WTF is wrong with me!!! Please help me get through this God. Right now I can’t even tolerate myself.

I hope tomorrow is better. At least I’ve held out on the calories. It is really something this quitting smoking and eating healthy. Seems a cigarette and some snickers ice cream with a ton of cookies dipped in icing and maybe some dill pickle chips and diet coke and I’d be back to myself. But what self is that? The one that can’t stand looking in the mirror, wont take pictures with the kids, revolves around food and food obsession, and probably wont live to see her grandchildren. Ugh. I’ll take the pissiness for a bit. It must get better soon, right?!?!?! Hopefully the half of cigarette wont have me starting all over. I probably smoked 10 a day before. It really didn’t help with anything and it tasted disgusting.

Okay, so hopefully you didnt want to slap me silly and tell me to stop bitching. I’m finished (for now)!! Lets cross our fingers for an easier tomorrow AND hopefully some progress on the scale!!!! I have to say that move from 216.8 to 217 this morning was quite annoying. I’m hoping for a 216.5 tomorrow. At least some sort of a downward trend!

I’m off to bed very soon to save the world from my pissiness. Good night.

almost 24 hours smoke free

well, last night I either wanted a cigarette or a snack so badly by 9:00 that I just went to bed. Maybe it will be easier in a couple days.  It’s lunch time now and I can’t say I have a big appetite but my body is pissed it isn’t getting its regular nicotine fix. Totally sucks. Too bad smoking kills because I love it about as much as eating, maybe more because it doesn’t make me fat. hah. So, anyway, almost 24 hours smoke free, really only a few days left and I should be over it. Hopefully I can control my cravings for junk while I detox from the nicotine.

So, on the menu for today…

breakfast- pbj smoothie (slimfast 180, jelly 40, pb (1 1/2 tbsp 150-i went overboard with the peanut butter 😦  )=370

snack- 1 1/2 oranges 90 and a yogurt 100-190

lunch- slimfast 180

dinner- grilled chicken salad with croutons- 400

Dessert- hot tea and popcorn- 110

Total: 1250

This morning the stupid stupid scale went up from 216.8 to 217. Yesterday my calories were fine, under 1300 so I know there’s no way in the world I gained weight. It’s just a matter of patience. It could be womanly things, water retention, a number of things that could have caused the number to go up. I have to not let it deter me but it is very frustrating!!! How often do you weigh youself? Why do you think the scale goes up when  you should be losing? (I am not forgetting to log ANYTHING and have researched the actual correct calories I am eating) How do you handle the evil scale?


My coworkers just came to invite me to order from Chipotle with them. I’m not even tempted. I already had my breakfast, snacks, and lunch. I’m good. I want a cigarette still, but I’m good. No thanks. In 6 months you will see why!! Please let me be able to keep this up (and be smoke free) for the entire next 6 months (or for my lifetime)!! Temptation sucks.

One day, sometimes one minute, at a time! I will eat healthy and be smoke free- this is my body and I love me!! I deserve it 🙂

It’s like a little pain now or alot of pain later… for me and my loved ones… I gotta grow up and quit this smoking thing once and for all. At 4:20 I’ll be 24 hours. My hardest times are in the morning, at lunch, after work, and after dinner. After work probably being the hardest of them all to skip. BUT I KNOW I CAN DO THIS!

Here’s to defying the odds by quitting smoking and losing weight AT THE SAME TIME!!! I’m going to prove it can be done 🙂